Dates with my "big boy"

B has become such a focus in our house since we started treatment. He has a large cheering squad who play with him and go berserk over every little thing he does and they are here 40+ hours every week. On top of that, mommy & daddy are required to spend a significant amount of 1-1 "therapy" time with B every week. All of this means that there is a lot less attention to go around.

This is such an extreme change for his big brother. I always felt guilty before because my oldest was so dominant in demanding attention and B didn't demand it so didn't get nearly as much. Since that is the nature of my big guy's personality, I haven't ever really been afraid that he would allow himself to be overshadowed by a sibling with special needs. Still, I can't claim that his life hasn't been completely changed by this new regime. There are a lot of benefits for him.... super-cool, fun therapists that play with him too and much more focused play time with me since I have to keep him from intruding on therapy and can't really multitask or make him play on his own much anymore. And he has school 4 mornings a week which gives him something of his own. Still, there is a lot of "wait just a second" or "yes, I can play with you but only for 2 minutes and then I have to get back to working with B". There are changes in us as parents too of course. We're busier, more stressed and pulled in more directions. I find my patience wearing thinner and my expectations for him growing so that he can be more independent and the "big boy". For the most part, he has really embraced it. He's proud of the things he can do on his own now that he's a big boy and he LOVES having all the "teachers" around. We do see twinges of jealousy from time to time though and disappointment when he doesn't get to play for as long as he wants to. It's heartbreaking. 

So now that we have a regular sitter, I'm trying to find ways to make sure that he knows how important and special he is. And ways for his life to be a little more "normal" like it was before. Every week, we will have either a "mommy date" or a playdate with friends... or both if he's lucky. Last week was the first mommy date. We took a half day and went to the mall of america, rode rides, had lunch and ice cream and just generally had a great time together. Today we ran some errands (including a haircut for him) and then went to a different mall and rode the train and had lunch. After lunch, he jumped down from the booth, threw his arms around me and said "I love you, mommy". This is the first time he has ever initiated those words - it has always been "I love you too". It's a feeling I won't soon forget and I can assure you that these mommy dates will continue. I have a million things I could've been doing instead but he just proved to me that this is time very well spent.