B-man is FOUR

B turned four yesterday. Since he had a pretty full therapy day, we celebrated on Sunday. We took him for pancakes around 11 but since there was over an hour wait at our usual pancake house, we went to Cheesecake Factory instead. Our insanely picky boy didn't like their pancakes and ate about 2 bites. He was thrilled to be out of the house though so I guess it was still a treat. He had a fun-filled day with lots of trains, lots of presents and cake. Cake for dinner actually since it was a food strike kind of day for him. On the bright side, he totally got into presents this year! He was all the way down in the basement and all I had to say was "do you want to open presents?" and he came running. Boy his receptive language has come a long way!

I'm so proud of how far he has come in the past year but this was a hard birthday for me. I know lots of moms have trouble with birthdays because they want to hold on to their babies. I thought I might be that way since I have always been baby crazy. That hasn't been the case at all for me though. I love each new age and I am excited about the changes and developments at each stage. With B it's different though. The one thing we had on our side was that he was so young when we sought treatment. Early intervention is so critical to outcome and it was always encouraging to hear things like "he's so young - we have no idea how much he'll change in the next year". Yes, 4 is still young but I feel like we're getting out of the window. For some reason, 3.5 stands out in my mind. I had hoped he'd be talking by 3.5. I had hoped he'd be catching up. Instead, the older he gets, the larger and more apparent the developmental gap becomes. I want to keep him young so we have more time. And I want to keep him young because it's just easier. It's still somewhat socially acceptable and manageable for him to act the way he does. It's okay if he doesn't answer adult's questions when we're out (he must be shy) or if he sings at the top of his lungs (so cute) NOW. How will it be when he's older? Four is getting close to school age and we are nowhere near ready. I don't want to discount how far he has come or how much I still believe in him. I just wish we had more time. I didn't expect to feel this way but 4 was hard. Very, very hard.

Still, B's birthday is a cause for celebration. How far he has come in this past year and how proud he makes me every day. He's a little warrior and we are just scratching the surface. Happy Birthday, little man. We love you so.

A few pics. I have video too - I'll upload soon.