Special siblings

Last monday, I was outside raking leaves with my big boy - B's older brother by 15 months. He was lamenting about the fact that all of his neighbor friends were in school. And then he about broke my heart in two when he said "B doesn't know how to play or even how to talk. I have no one to play with." Ouch. That one hurt. It was a painful reminder that he is much more aware of B's differences than we give him credit for.

I've thought about that comment a lot since then and I was able to come to terms with it when I thought about all of the kids out there who have siblings 3 or 4 years younger than them. It is years before they have a playmate. Or the only children. Or the kids who do have siblings but all they do is fight.

It still hurts. Here we have what should be an ideal situation - 2 kids of the same gender basically a year apart... a built-in playmate. And yet, that's not reality here. Sometimes the big brother tries but most of the time he just ignores little B. Fair? No.

Then on Thursday, one of the moms at preschool that supervises him at "lunch bunch" pulled me aside to tell me that my big guy has "such a tender heart" and is "such a sweetie pie". It's true - he is a gentle, sweet boy. Exactly the kind of heart that a special needs brother should have. So while it may not be fair, he is already better for it. Our job will be to foster a little extra compassion and tolerance and to temper any resentment. And maybe someday he'll be thankful for the lessons B taught him. He's teaching him much more than playing together ever could.