Clean bill of health

I finally got around to taking B in for his 5-year well visit at the dr. Somehow it fell off my radar - I'm usually really on top of these things. Maybe it was because I knew there'd be shots - lots of shots - and I wasn't in a hurry for either of us to experience that. Maybe I am just not as on top of things as I should be.

Last Friday was the day - almost 3 months after his 5th bday (not too bad, right?). I took along our senior therapist for help and support. Visits to doctors offices can be difficult. There have been times where he freaked out so much that we couldn't even get his measurements. Other times they've called in "back-up" because he is one strong little boy. But sometimes, it has been a walk in the park. Based on these experiences, I take along reinforcements because it makes me more confident going in.

I'm happy to say that this was one of the walk in the park times. B. did completely amazing. The more I worry about something, the less of an issue it usually ends up being. He had no trouble with the whole visit. He waited in the room, stood on the scale, against the wall for measurement, and waited some more. He even did well with the blood pressure cuff and the dr. checking his heart, ears etc. He was incredibly loud in the lobby and while the dr. was trying to talk to us but they were happy noises and we haven't figured out how to tone them down. With all of the screaming kids in there, I don't think he really even drew any attention.

And then came the shots. FIVE shots for the 5th bday. That truly is an insane number in one day but it is just easier to do it all at once. B was hesitant to lay down on the table but I held on tight and our therapist held another hand and the amazingly talented nurse did 5 shots in what was practically the blink of an eye. Man, she was fast! B. got a couple of tears in his eyes that literally did not even make it down his face, hopped up and that was it. That was IT! Amazing! This is one of those rare times where autism can actually be a blessing. No need for explanations, no advanced worrying, no melodrama. A million times easier than with lots of kiddos (including my own).

Usually they check hearing and vision but there really is no way he'd be able to do either of those tests. We've had him looked at by an eye dr. and he went through a bunch of hearing tests early on when we thought that was a cause of his language delay. So I think we're okay there. At least I hope so. The poor kid doesn't need to have to deal with anything else.

Our dr. is definitely not an expert in Autism. She was adamant 3 years ago that B. absolutely did not meet the criteria and led us down another path (ear tubes for suspected hearing loss). For the basics, she's a good dr. and both boys have been seeing her since we moved here 6 years ago. But she really doesn't get it. I nod and smile at her helpful tips like "just keep offering the vegetables. One day he will decide to pick up and try that green bean." I find this theory very suspect for typical kids but with B., there is not a chance in Hell that this will ever happen. And we always talk about his diet and how poor it is. More helpful suggestions - "make sure he has enough vitamin D and B6 and maybe give him a supplement for sleeping every night." She has NO idea what a miracle it is that B. takes a multi-vitamin in the first place (on good days) or that if I attempted to give him something different, how VERY likely it'd be that he would never touch another vitamin again. Or potentially stop eating other things I give him. He loses trust in me very easily. I've tried all the methods to get him to try new foods. He once stopped eating his favorite Mac & Cheese for FOUR months. He wins. We also talked a while about his sleep habits and how they could be improved.  And how his therapy is going. She asked me and then asked our therapist for her perspective which I found very odd but whatever. I mean, did she think my therapist would say something different than I did with me standing right there?

Those were the main topics. I take it all with a grain of salt. I realize that B. has an atrocious diet and that it's not a good thing that he is awake for sometimes 2 hours after going to bed and sometimes 2-3 hours in the middle of the night. It's not ideal but we have a lot bigger fish to fry. It's funny (ironic - not haha) how many trivial things we worry about with our kids. And how much more than that we take for granted. I'm guilty of it too. B. reminds me of the big picture. Maybe I should find a specialist though. The "normal development 5 years" checklist that came home with me is a little bit of a blow that I could have done without.

And as proof that a child really can thrive on an all cheese, all-carb/processed- food diet, here are his stats: His brother's at age 5 are in parentheses for comparison:

weight: 46 lbs - 75 percentile     (38 lbs - 25-50 percentile)
Height: 45 7/8 - 90 percentile    (41 1/2 - 25-50 percentile)
BMI = 15.4 - 50%... perfect       (15.5 - 50%)

Dr. visit - check. Done for another year. And no more shots until age 11! Side note - two days later, B. came down with his FOURTH bout with the stomach flu. I blame the dr's office. The worst place to take a healthy kid is to the Dr.

Love

Our bedtime routine goes like this: label pictures in a couple of books, climb in bed and say "good night" and then "I love you". Sometimes we have to repeat these phrases before B reciprocates. Sometimes we repeat them several times until he finally cooperates. The other night, for the first time, as soon as Daddy said "goodnight", B said "goodnight - I love you" (which sounds more like "I wuh hoo"). He did it again when I said goodnight. Now of course we know this is a memorized, programmed response but it felt good nonetheless. It was exciting that he initiated it. And then a couple of days later when his occupational therapist said "bye, bye", and he fired back with "bye. I love you", the significance was quickly diminished.

That same day coming home from O.T., big brother professed his love for a girl in his class. His emotions were so strong as he poured his heart out. He told me all of the reasons why he likes her, how he wants to marry her, and how he wants to figure out how to be her friend. My heart melted.

I try not to compare my kids. They couldn't be more different. But they are both boys - a mere 15 months apart so it's tough not to. A lot of times this is a really good thing and it's helpful to know what is age appropriate and what B should strive for. At other times, it serves as a pretty painful reminder of all the things B does not... and may never... do. When it comes to emotions, this is especially tough. B's version of love is so very, very different. I know that he does love us, in his way but it is very hard to have the same kind of relationship without true communication. It's SO much easier with my big boy who tells me daily how much he loves me and shows me in so many ways. And I can't help but wonder if he ever will know love in the way that I hope my older son will. Or will he even care or know what he's missing. I try not to dwell on it and focus on the day to day because honestly it makes me sad on a level that I'm not quite ready for.