S-T-U-B-B-O-R-N

Today marks one week since B has eaten mac & cheese. ONE WEEK without his beloved meal that he literally had been eating close to every day. It is by far his favorite food - one that he requests by name - yep, that's a 3 word request which we don't get many of.  But here's the thing: he eats it with his hands. Disgusting would be putting it mildly. Not only does he shove it in but he likes to squeeze it between his fingers and often rubs his eyebrows, hair, chair, clothes etc. before we can get him cleaned up. And I'm done with that. He is perfectly proficient with a spoon so it's not a skill issue. And let's face it, it's not like mac & cheese has a lot of nutritional value. He just has SUCH an incredibly limited diet that it's hard to mess with it. And, like I said, he requests it by name. Still, I shudder to think of the idea of having say an 8 year old who eats with his hands.

So last Monday, we bit the bullet. The idea was just to get him to take 1 bite with the spoon and then he could have as much as he wanted the way he's used to eating it. Then gradually, we'd increase the requirement until the hands were no longer an option. He didn't take to the idea. He cried and threw himself down on the floor and did all of the things that toddlers do when they throw a fit. Every time we tried, he would cry and throw himself into my arms pitifully. We've been presenting a spoonful of mac and cheese once or twice a day now for a week and he hasn't budged. He doesn't get upset anymore - just won't go near it. I'm guessing we'll back off a bit and wait and see if he'll request it again. Or we may just be done with mac and cheese all together. Unfortunately for B, I can be stubborn too.

Okay so this picture is from almost 2 years ago and it's not quite this bad now - it's no longer bib-worthy. But you can see he has a long history with the stuff and you can see how it might not be all that fun to clean up. And you can see how stinkin adorable he was!

Just like everyone else

This weekend, I took B grocery shopping. A mundane task that most everyone dreads doing with their kids. And something that most 4-year olds do with their parents on a regular basis. I can't remember the last time (if ever) that I took B to the store though. There have been a few times recently with big brother but not just the 2 of us. I wasn't sure how he would do now that he's too big to be contained in the front of the cart. When I shop with big brother, I either have him walk and help or he rides in the main part and I pile the groceries around him. Having B walk wasn't really an option (he would likely bolt) but I also thought he would get into anything that I put in the cart. He did really great though. He did babble quietly to himself most of the time but nothing that would draw any attention. He waited a loooong time at the pharmacy and in line too. He left the groceries alone until they were bagged and then helped himself to some goldfish. Honestly, I saw at least 2 or 3 other kids behaving worse than he ever has in public. It was a good trip. I was glad we were able to be just like every other 4 year old for a change. Even for something as mundane as grocery shopping.

That was last weekend. Flash forward to today when we tried again to do something like other regular families. Big brother's preschool had a pizza party and since Daddy had to work, our PCA and I took both boys. So I guess you could argue that we already were NOT like other regular families. Still, I was excited for B to get out and to have some fun.  Unfortunately, it was pretty much a disaster. It started out well and B was excited and running around. But then it got crowded and there was a very LOUD performer and lots of kids running and jumping and being crazy. At first B tried to leave and then he just decided to cling to me and insist on being held. I had to hold him standing up because if I tried to sit, he would push on me until he could get me up. He refused to eat a bite even though it was pizza, goldfish and cookies which are usually huge hits. If there is a silver lining, it's that he didn't melt down and we didn't have to leave. But I don't know how much longer I'll be able to hold my very tall, very heavy boy this way. I'm sure I looked ridiculous and I'm sure people were wondering if I was crazy. Big brother didn't even really have much fun. For some reason, he decided to be shy and just sat with our sitter the whole time. And then he too asked for a piggy back ride when leaving. I didn't feel right saying he was too big after I'd spent the whole time holding his equally big brother. I guess I got my weight lifting in for the day. I got some nice words of encouragement from our preschool teacher though. As I walked by with B on my back, I muttered "I don't know why I try". And her response was "I love that you try."

When our sitter was leaving to go home, she literally had her hand on the door and B took it and led her away. She went with him because she (like I) was wondering what on earth he wanted. He led her all the way to the basement and asked her to "bounce me" on the big red ball like he had requested several times earlier today. So we ended on a high note. How awesome for him to be that motivated for a social activity. It's better than awesome actually. And on the heels of a very difficult evening, it was just what I needed to keep on trying.

Holidays, vacation and a New Year. I'm tired already.

We returned this week from an almost 2 week "vacation" to visit our families in Texas. It had been an entire year since we got to do this. B's vacation time is very limited due to his therapy and therefore so is ours. 

I had some apprehension about the trip. A year is a very long time (particularly in the life of a 4 year old) and I wasn't sure how well B would handle all of the new environments, transitions etc. I am very happy to report that he did great! He flew like a champ. Yes, he was loud at times but I don't think it was disruptive and he never cried or tried to get up from his seat. We even got frisked at Security and he handled that okay too. He did really well sleeping in 2 new places (he was in a crib last year) and even shared a room with his big brother for part of the time. He stayed on track with potty training (whew), kept up with vocal imitations pretty well and was engaged and participatory for the vast majority of the time. He was sick for a couple of days but it was mild in the scheme of illnesses we usually seem to get over the holidays. Just a couple of days of being lethargic and not eating.

For us, it was far more relaxing than last year as well. Therapy was too new for us then and we were paranoid and nervous about messing everything up and losing the skills he had started to acquire. It was good to be with family and both Christmas and New Year's were wonderful. We are blessed in so many ways. There were lots of fun times on this trip too. Big brother held his first sparkler. Both of them went to Pump It Up and completely shocked me with their bravery. B discovered a love of mexican tortilla chips. The boys got to play with their cousins, aunts, uncle and grandparents. Not to mention the fact that it was about 70 degrees and we got to be outside without coats, hats and mittens for a change. Good stuff.

But here's the thing about being a parent of a child with autism... there never is truly  vacation. Both hubby and I worked with B while there to try to keep his stims down and to practice enough therapy that he wouldn't totally revolt when we came home. B can't really have down time so neither can we. And if we do, it's accompanied by a fair amount of guilt and worry. Case in point: by the last couple of days of the trip, it was clear that B was slipping into bad habits and becoming harder and harder to engage (or flat out refusing to).

And then there's the issue of coming back to work. This is hard for all of us and B is no exception. We had half a day at home to somewhat re-group and then the next day was full-on BUSY with a full staff in and out of the house. B cried for the first 10/15 minutes straight and then mostly got a handle on it. It has been a tough week trying to get him back in the swing of things. I tried to do my session with him this afternoon and had to totally abandon the scheduled programs and just focus on getting him to behave appropriately. He's so smart, so full of potential and sometimes I just want to shake him and tell him to snap out of it. We'll get there. He just isn't going to let us take the easy route. Here's to 2012!

Here are some pics. I took waaaay too many!